I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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