Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
