after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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