Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
