Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
