I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
