farters have to be the big spoon...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
