god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
