I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
