Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
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No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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