party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize