i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
