Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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