yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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