I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
