You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
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You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
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You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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