I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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