Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
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