It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We need to rekindle our bromance
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
why is half of my head shaved?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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