i may or may not be watching the land before time
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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