those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
