the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
