Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
