Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
