Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
