I'm laying in your front yard are you home
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
