: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize