You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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