I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
