It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
a search helicopter?!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
