So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
