how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
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well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
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