I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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