I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
two words...techno handjob
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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