I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
