I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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