Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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