Where did you get a picture of my penis
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
