im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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