how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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