do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
