Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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