highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I love you. Go after that dick
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
