bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
