I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
These tits shall not be calmed
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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