used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
