So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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