Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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