i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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