At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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