Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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