Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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