Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
