Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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