there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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