weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
