All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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