Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
